do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
