Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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