Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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