I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
