he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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