The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
BRING THE BAGELS
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
