I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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