I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
