i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
