Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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