He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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