Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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