My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
