the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I am spending my child support on dildos
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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