Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
