My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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