gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
