yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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