Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
