is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up under a house in Key West
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