The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Drake has all the answers
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
