i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
