He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
