I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
