White coat. Heels.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
