You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
