CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
high people should be assigned attendants
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My liver just had a heart attack.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
