you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
