More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My vagina is very pro this idea
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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