somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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