next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
