Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
