i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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