There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
