Don't you send me to vm
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
