Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
