dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
