i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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