The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need water and some morals
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
