IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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