She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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