I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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