According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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