He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
