It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
