paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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