No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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