he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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