There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
