Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
